Panning

"Gold panning is mostly a manual technique of sorting gold. Wide, shallow pans are filled with sand and gravel that may contain gold. The pan is submerged in water and shaken, sorting the gold from the gravel and other material." - Wikipedia

On friendships...I didn't know it could be so complicated. I thought friendships were supposed to be easy. Like it should come naturally, right? The problem is how you keep a friendship. I'm really not an expert on this since I've apparently lost a lot of people whom I consider friends before in my life so I don't know. Maybe I'm just not born to be a good friend? Hahaha! Quite possibly. Maybe there's something wrong with me? Possibly too. Though I don't honestly know what. Hahaha! I've tried saving friendships before but it seems like they don't want it anymore so I don't force them to. It has happened a lot to me already that by now I'm really used to it and I don't really depend on anyone anymore, just with a few exceptions. I guess in my case, friends come and go along with boys. :))

I've had a lot of things happen to me lately, bad things...and I guess there's a reason why these are all happening to me, and somehow I'm thankful because it has helped me realize a lot of stuff. I can't say I don't need friends because quite a few of my friends are helping me go through this difficult phase in my life and I'm really thankful for them (you know who you are), but it's really times like this when I can separate the true friends from those who are not, like in panning where you separate the gold from other materials. So I'm somehow thankful that this has happened to me because now I know who my true friends are, and I'm thankful for them because they're sticking with me no matter how bad it is, because right now that's what I need in my life, a true friend. A true friend, not just in title because a lot of people can claim they're true friends even if just to have that title, but a true friend who's tried and tested and proven.

I wish I could give them gold medals for it. Hahaha!

1-29-2010

2 years ago, I asked him if we can be an us.

He said yes...and then ran his head under the sink. That was how cute and adorable my boyfriend at that time was.

1 year ago, we celebrated our first anniversary. Though we couldn't celebrate like "normal" couples do, like going out for dinner or movies, or going out of town, etc., it didn't matter...because while most "normal" couples could celebrate like that, not all of them have the love that he and I have for each other.

And that's what counts in anniversaries, right? Not just the years that you've just been together, but most importantly for how many days you have been falling in love with this person...in my case, it has been 731 days, and that was just the official date; I've been in love with this person for even longer than that. I still don't know what the exact date was but I knew I was starting to fall for him on the last week of October 2007, in the same month that I have met him.

Shortly after first anniversary, exactly 6 days after, this boyfriend became my fiance. He had made me the luckiest girl/woman on earth. It was the start of our forever.

Yesterday, it was our second anniversary. We still couldn't do the things that normal couples do, but I could care less about that...because at least this year, I've accomplished something that I think I haven't done before -- I made him cry...and not like the sad tears on December 2007, but this time, it was like the same tears that I shed last February 4th of 2009. A week before that things weren't going so well emotionally for both of us...we were so stressed and couldn't figure out what was wrong...but thankfully, we were able to fix the problem before our anniversary, and Paxmay is better than ever.

But I never thought it would get even better than that when our anniversary came. Honestly, I wasn't expecting anything, but he managed to make me feel so special...and once again, the luckiest girl/woman in the whole world. I've never felt loved like this before. And I still think that after all this time, maybe this was all just a dream...because there is no way that I deserve this kind of person who is really so perfect for me. Everything he does makes me fall for him even more, and I really thought it wasn't possible to fall for a person even more, but I was wrong. Everyday, I'm falling even more in love with him...I know it sounds like a cheesy line from a song or a movie, but these words have never spoken to me until yesterday.

Many times I have been envious of other couples that I see, usually when I'm walking alone around the campus, or browsing Facebook and other sites. Whenever I see them holding hands, taking pictures together, going on dates, I used to feel bitter because for now I couldn't have that "normal" couple thing. I couldn't have kisses or hugs, I couldn't hold his hand, and everyday I keep on wishing that he was with me. But then I see these same couples fall apart, and eventually break-up, I know guys who cheat while they were still together...and through those things I have realized how lucky I am. I have the most understanding, patient, honest, faithful, funniest and not to mention the cutest guy ever (who apparently looks like Jesse Bradford...I like My Sassy Girl so much more now). And while these couples have "now"...I have this future, and I'm holding on to the promise of 2014. =)

Like how he had said in his blog, I still also couldn't understand how he could say he's luckier...because I really think I'm luckier. I'm just this simple, normal, boring girl, and out of all the girls who are after him, he chose me, the one who was farthest from him. I don't understand why, though he is always trying to make me see...but I just couldn't wrap my head around it. One thing's for sure, I'm definitely not complaining.

So love, if you're reading this, I just want to thank you once again for loving me and accepting me as I am, for being honest and faithful, for turning my bad days into really amazing ones, for making me feel special and beautiful, and most importantly for staying with me even if I have many crazy hormonal moments which I couldn't control, and most especially thank you for staying when everyone was against us. Thank you for sharing yourself with me. I know I still don't deserve a guy like you, but God blessed me with you, and I would never complain. I thank God for you everyday. =)

I love you so so so so so so sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much :-*>:D< and so much more than words can express. =)

Here's to our forever. =)

21st...part II

I'm speechless. :-)

I love You, God. :-)

I love my family. :-)

I love my SF's. :-)

I love my college friends. :-)

I love my twinny. :-)

I love Pax...very much so. :-)



I am so blessed for all these blessings in my life. Thank You, Lord for blessing me with another year to fulfill my missions in life. :-)

21st

So far...I'm happy...but I feel like something's missing still. So I'm still not completely happy. I really appreciate the greetings though. I'm really thankful for those. :-)

But I still feel incomplete. *sighs*

I honestly don't know what to say

I wanted to blog since yesterday...well actually, the days before that already. But it seemed like I couldn't form any intelligent words. All I know is that I was so angry, so mad, so frustrated...yeah, you get the point. You know it's bad when there's homicidal thoughts involved. I never liked violence, but at that point I just wanted to start already and go against what I believe in. I wanted to attack, to let them know what they did and are still doing is beyond wrong. Maybe I'm exaggerating, but can you blame me? I feel like I've been stepped on, kick to the curb, like I've been beaten up by a gang and was just left lying there holding on to life. That was what I really felt. I felt like I've been pushed aside...and really far because I'm not important to them, because we're not friends...and my fiance is more important to them, I don't matter. It might seem like a little thing to them, or it might mean nothing to them...but I'm just fed up...tired of keeping all of these feelings inside, pretending that I'm okay with what they were doing to me, pretending that I'm fine, because I'm being the good fiancee of their friend who they keep flirting with...and like what Taylor Swift had said in her song..."bulletproof". I'm done with the good girl act. I'm through playing nice.

I'm ready to attack anytime soon. Just you wait. Try me.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Some people are just disrespectful in so many ways. The world is so full of douchebags now. Not saying I'm perfect, but really...I'm at least trying my best to be respectful towards other people at all times, even those who don't deserve it.



A little respect is all I ask.



Avoid flirting with a taken person. It's just disrespectful to the other person that person you're flirting with is. If it's nothing to you, well it certainly is not just nothing to me.



Plurk should be shut down.



*end of rant*

Gifts

Wishlists are everywhere during this time of the year. I used to make one too, but I never get anything in that list no matter how long that list is and because of it, I used to get disappointed and sulk. I'm not even exaggerating, it's true. Which is why this time, no more wishlists for me, and I think it's time to be more matured about this.

I rarely receive material gifts during this season, even if December is Christmas month AND my birth month. I'm not complaining though. It taught me to enjoy what I have and be contented with it, and it also taught me to really appreciate what Christmas is all about...and that's the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. I never forget to greet Him every Christmas eve and morning, it makes me really happy. And I really really love Christmas, and I'm now glad that for me, it doesn't mean numerous gifts or any other material stuff on Christmas day...because it won't bring me any disappointments if I don't get what I want, I could just enjoy Christmas and the unexplainable happiness it brings. And if I get gifts from people, I can't help but feel really happy because I'm not asking for anything but they still take the time to give me something.

Once the -ber month comes in, I can't help but feel excited. It's like the little kid in me is being awakened and I can't help but play Christmas songs so early...I just get really excited. I love Christmas...I love the happiness it brings to everyone...the family bonding and everything, spending it with your loved ones...if I'm surrounded with the people I love, that's already a gift for me. I've learned not to ask for anything anymore especially to my parents, and I'm glad. This year has been tough financially-speaking for our family and I'm already thankful enough that we are still complete, that we can still eat three meals a day, go to work/school, have at least decent clothes to wear and that we still have the stuff that we need for school/work such as the computers and the phones. That's also gift enough for me. Having true friends that I can count on anytime is a gift too. The love of my life, though he is far for now, still loves me as much as I love him...and I'm really thankful for that.

I'm glad to not have been raised with material things...because it makes me appreciate the more important things in life and what Christmas is really about...and it's about love. :)

Merry Christmas!

xoxo

P.S. Though if I could ask for one material thing...plane tickets, please? :))