The Road

Have you ever woken up one day with the sun shining on your face and suddenly felt really inspired to reach your goals that you can even find real confidence in the sentence "I can do this"?

I haven't.

There were times when I wish inspiration comes that easy for me. Like, it just comes to me like a package being delivered on my front door. Because when you feel really inspired, it was like you are unstoppable...like you can do anything and everything you want to.

I had wished to feel that way all throughout my college life. For those who know me, college has been the hardest part of my life so far. I've never felt stressed like this before. When I was a high school senior preparing for college, it was so easy to think that I won't let stress get to me because I had only one thing in mind...I need to graduate from this university and that it would all be worth it in the end.

I never did quite expect that it would be this stressful.

It was even so bad that I had lost passion for my major and even started questioning my decision to take it. I started to think that I probably was too ambitious when my level of intelligence was not really enough for this since the institute I belonged in seemed to want to get rid of me, telling me that I was wasting the slot that was given to me, and that a more deserving kid should have gotten it instead.

I had thought that being rejected by the guy I thought I love was the worst rejection I had experienced in my life, until that time.

I felt the world, my world, and my future crumble into pieces. I felt stupid for thinking that I belonged there, that Computer Science is my life since I was so good at it in high school. For the longest time, I had thought that it was my so-called "calling".

At that time I felt like I had no choice but to give up and accept that I was wrong, but my family and close friends believed in me, something that I could not do.

But I did what they told me anyway, and I tried and tried again.

And I'm glad I did.

Because if I gave up, I would have never experienced the joy I am experiencing right now. The joy in studying my field, the joy in getting good grades and finishing lab exercises. The joy I feel everytime I tell my parents about my accomplishments for the day. The joy I am feeling because finally, I felt like I truly belong here. I finally felt that feeling - the feeling of being inspired.

I am now a 22 year old senior computer science student, and I am proud of it. I didn't graduate on time, but I feel like I needed a lot of time to learn to appreciate my field, to learn to embrace the hardships and to turn them as an advantage.

I took the hard road, and I tripped a lot and got injured on my way and even felt like giving up and turning around. Now that I can see my destination nearing though, all the pain and sufferings I've felt on my travel were instantly gone. I took the hard road, and made a new path. A path that was mine. I did not follow anyone's trail, I left my own.

I only have a few miles to go...and I am so pumped to reach that destination. With God as my map and compass and bottomless water jug in this long travel, I could never get lost. :-)