I'm ready to watch Glee...I think.

Glee is downloading now at the time that I'm writing this. Finally.

A few people whom I've talked to knows why I couldn't watch Glee, at least before. I mean, it's a really good show with good music and such...it's actually the kind of show that would get me hooked on it fast and when I saw the previews for it back then I really wanted to watch it already. One thing was holding me back though, and getting over it was a really big leap for me. It seems silly, but it's really true...I'm insane like this...and maybe that's why I'm being compared to Rachel. :))

So the real reason why I couldn't watch it (I tried before though, but it was just...bad) was because the Finn-Quinn-Rachel love triangle reminds me of um...some things from the past. I had a similar thing happen to me. I fell for the perfect guy who happened to be my best friend, but he had a girlfriend at that time. And the girlfriend was this manipulative witch (or bitch, slut, whore...or slore) and ironically, she's a blonde too. :)) The girlfriend basically made me feel like I'm nothing special, that I have no place in the perfect guy's life. :)) She was really evil...she knew my weak spots and how to hit them. She flirted with the perfect guy in places that she knew I would see them, and she made sure to remind me everyday that it was her who won and I was the loser. It was really like we were in a movie or something, and I wasn't liking it. The thing is, it would have been okay if I wasn't affected at all...but everytime I see them say sweet things to each other, or at least just the girl, it was like I was being stabbed in the chest over and over again, and like I was being punched in the stomach...it was so bad that I threw up and cried everytime. I hated the fact that I got so affected because it meant that she was really winning. Of course I didn't let the perfect guy know about that...because I mean...I thought I was in no place to say things like that. How could I tell him that I get hurt everytime they talk, everytime she flirts with him, when I am in no place to get hurt or jealous anyways...I was just the bestfriend and she was the girlfriend. It went on for almost 2 months and I seriously thought of just giving up...but the one thing that made me stay was the fact that I really love this guy so much...and if it's the only way that we can be close...if I just had to be his friend, then I would just take that. But of course, anyone who knows Paxmay knows that we did end up together, and it was the start of an epic love story.

Which is why when I tried to watch Glee the first time, and seeing Finn with Quinn, it was like opening closed wounds again. Memories started rushing back in my mind, especially when I watched a video of Rachel singing Take A Bow...I had a lot of moments like that...singing emo songs with my hairbrush and crying. :)) It got to the point that I felt this chest pain and it wouldn't go for hours...it was that bad. :)) I guess you can call that trauma from what had happened before. But talking to Pax about it again and clearing things up somehow helped me realize a lot of things and just focus on the better part.

The past doesn't matter, what matters is now. It was a quote from the movie "If Only" and I remembered how that line hit me. I realized today that the slore may have had him first, but he and I shared a whole lot more special moments together, even before we got together. Even just as bestfriends we had a lot of special memories together, and we had a special bond that he and the slore didn't have...we're bestfriends. I know him much better than she does. And the most important thing of it all is that I got his promise of marriage...and realizing that was really enough for me to feel amazing again. :-)

So I think I'm prepared enough now to be able to watch Glee. Well...here it goes.


EDIT: It's official...I really am as insane as Rachel. :))